Your Potent Truth with Ruby Fremon
In this episode, I invited my dear coach and spirit mom, Ruby Fremon and we dive into what it means to reclaim your potency. Ruby explains how potency is the medicine that you have to offer when you’re being the fullest expression of who you be. In this episode, we dive into all things leadership and we even talk a little bit about what to expect with her upcoming book, Potent Leadership!
Ruby’s Story
Ruby was raised in an Indian family and had a lot of expectations placed upon her at a very young age. Any time she would show a glimpse of who she was, she was shunned or punished and told that she was too much. She learned at a young age how to dilute her potency. She continued a journey of a self-destructive path; and she realized that when she wasn’t being herself, it led her to a dark place. She didn’t know what she wanted, all she knew was that she wanted to feel free. She wanted to do things for herself by focusing on how to love and care for herself. The better she felt in her body, the more clear her mind became, and the more clear her mind became, it allowed her to see the traumas she was facing.
Ruby’s Take on What to do When You’ve Lost Yourself
If you’ve found yourself in a place where you feel like you’ve lost yourself, the first thing that you need to do is acknowledge what got you there. She doesn’t mean to point the finger and place blame on anyone. Acknowledge the choices and decisions you made to get you to that place. . We cannot change the things we’re not willing to see. You are where you are today because of YOU.
This is a lot of the work Ruby and I did together. There’s so many layers to this, you see your behaviors, your patterns, your reactions; every single piece that has led you to who you are. When you connect the dots from these layers, you get the bigger picture of the journey you’ve been on. Which allows you to come to the realization that because you’ve created this, you can create something different.
Ruby’s gifts as a Projector in Human Design allows her to see things that others can’t and she also has the ability to call it out. She believes she’s always had the gift of seeing, hearing, and feeling. She’s learned to refine this gift but knows when to turn it on and when to turn it off. She uses this process when working with her clients as well - knowing when to lead with these gifts and when not to. When you tell someone what’s going to happen, it can often lead them to bypassing their responsibility to take ownership of where they are. Everything has a butterfly effect - the slightest change in your decision or behavior can change the outcome. Ruby uses her gifts to empower them, not disempower them. She wants her clients to lead their own way to a path that they want.
Difference Between a Coach vs. Advisor
Often a question I get is, “How do I know what to say and when to say it?” along with needing to connect all the dots for their client’s success. Ruby differentiates a coach from an advisor. With a coaching relationship, the client does most of the talking. In a session with an advisor, the advisor would do most of the talking. So the coach doesn’t lead the conversation, the client leads the conversation and the coach flows with it. The coach is only there to shed a spotlight on what the client might not be seeing. Many coaches get stuck in the shadow of wanting to connect all the dots for their client because they’re in their own worthiness wound, they’re battling their own sense of worth with themselves as a human and as a coach, they don’t feel good enough and feel like they have to prove themselves. Ruby mentions that some coaches want to justify their pricing for coaching by pressurizing the need for results but that’s the energy that takes away from the magic in the container. What you do when you connect the dots for your client is that you disempower them and are dragging them through the mud instead of having them walk through it themselves. So they may create a change in that moment because you’ve connected the dots for them, but Ruby assures that that change won’t last because they didn’t connect the dots themselves--when coaches do this, they are robbing their clients of their own potency.
How to Step Into Our Own Leadership Capabilities
If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ve probably noticed a massive shift in my presence. Ruby talks about noticing the energy of where I was in the past--when we’re showing up as coaches/entrepreneurs in the online space with a diluted potency, what we’re doing is just showing up in cookie cutter ways trying to fit the perception of who we think we need to be, or we try to fit a box in ordered to be labeled something (i.e. In order to be seen as a coach I need to be x, y, z… In order to be seen as a leader I need to do x, y, z…) and we stick these labels and put these parameters on us which boxes us in and keeps us in this cage; it prevents us from really showing up as our fullest expression. The more that you speak your truth and the more potent you show up, the more you’ll start to lose people but the more you’ll be able to attract people who are meant for your community.
The Importance of Having Your Potency
Potency is the medicine you have to offer when you’re in the fullest expression of who you be and this is the medicine that you need, humanity needs, and that your purpose needs. Your purpose was given to you, it was gifted to you and was birthed to you through your life’s experiences--so that means you and only you can lead it. But if you’re leading it by trying to be someone you're not, you’re not going to be leading your purpose in an effective way. Your potency is what happens when you own every single aspect of who you be: your tone, your expression, your physical appearance, your voice, your truth, your shadows, your light, your essence, your values; when you take all of that, that totality of all that makes you YOU, that is when you drop into your potency, that is what makes you unique. There’s not one single unique item that makes you stand out, it’s the totality of all that you are that makes you stand out. When you’re not in your potency, that’s when you’re not feeling free. You chase freedom through external factors but you’ll never feel free because you’re not giving yourself the freedom to be you. So your potency is the greatest gift you can offer to yourself and the world and it’s what happens when you stop diluting yourself and start boiling down to the core of all that makes you who you be, and bring that to the surface; let yourself lead your purpose, your mission, your life from that potency.
